When I became a mother, I got lots of advices from family and friends on how to love my child. It was an year back did someone actually cleared to me that loving a child means what’s best for them in long-term.
Today most of the young adults are depressed and do not even know the reason of their depression. They claim they had a magical childhood and never experienced any disappointment. Yet, for some reason they are not happy.
One reason is that today parents give in too easily. We don’t want our child to fall so we clear their path. We clear the obstacles to make their life easy. But life is not a bed of roses. Our children can only develop life coping skills by facing real problems.While it seems we are doing them a huge favour, we are putting a stop on their growth.
Here are a few mistakes we as parents often make.
- Believing our children are perfect. One major issue is that parents today don’t want to hear anything about their kids. When concerns are raised, even concerned voiced out of love, the reaction is often to attack the messenger. The truth can hurt, but when we listen with open mind and heart we stand to benefit.
- Living through our children . We parents take great pride in our children. Their success makes us happier than if we had done it ourselves. Problem begins when we are overly involved. When our children become extensions of us. We may start seeing them as our second chance. Suddenly it’s not about them, it’s about us. At this point their happiness starts getting confused with our happiness.
- Engaging in competitive parenting . Every parent has a competitive streak. A lot of incidents take place at junior and high school levels. Stories of broken friendship and betrayal due to one family bindsiding another family. I feel the root of this Fear. We fear our children will get left behind.Children do need to understand that success comes to those who work hard for it. But when we instill “a win at all cost” attitude, permitting them to hurt and cheat others to get ahead, we lose sight of character. Character in adolescence may not seem that important but in adulthood it is everything.
- Practice what you preach. Kids may be kids but they are definitely not stupid. If you say something or make a rule and do not follow it yourself, your kids will follow your example. It may also lead to lack of respect. Your kid may think they are being treated differently due to some fault in character.
- Missing the wonder of childhood. Raisin small kids is a very tough job. At times it is so physically and emotionally exhausting we wish they were older to make our life easier. Childhood is a time for free play and discovery. When we rush them through it, we rob them of the most innocent age they will never pass through again. Remember one day there will be no stickers on the walls, no barbies on the bed and no ducks in the bath tub. Let them play and enjoy – let the growing up phase of their life begin later.
Everything about being a parent is a learning experience. Here, pointing at faults is not the motive but sorting them out is. Give your child the love and lessons that will be good for long term.
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